I made my first attempt at poetry in English

I put down some bad poetry from time to time, hoping eventually to be good enough and make almost no one cringe in his seat. As the more I write and interact with creators, the more I am sure that using the English language is the most convenient way to reach as much people as possible, I thougth that trying to write a small poem in English would be a good exercise.

My knowledge of the theory is not yet complete, at least regarding the way English-speaking poets build their verses, but the Muse has spoken and something has come out that can be called finished. I chose to post it and make it available to feedback and criticism. I think I quite got the rhythm, but not being a native speaker makes me wonder if I actually got the rhymes, and that in spite of spoken English which is decent. Maybe it is because I am used with Italian rules, maybe it is just a way to express my doubt about the poem’s quality.

In the end, showing your creative efforts is more important than your pride, and a mistake is a lesson. So here it is, to those who want to read it.

On the tomb of a philosopher

From lonely slopes, the peaks of Mount Olympus
a second time you brought the ancient laurel
and fresh the air of thought to breathless limbs
thus carrying, you have made us live once more.
Yet now your golden locks are put to rest
upon that very plant of blooming wings,
between the wisest men in all the West;
in godly light, we know, your mind still thinks.

Thanks for reading and for any feedback. I have tried to come up with new topics to talk about here but have found myself with no idea. Hopefully I’ll come up with something next week or so.

Until next time.

4 thoughts on “I made my first attempt at poetry in English

  1. I wish I was better at reading poetry so I could offer you some constructive criticism. I’m more into straight storytelling.

    Yes, I write lyrics but they’re a fraction of what you hear by the time my Producer chops syllables and words off of what I originally wrote. He said I write too wordy and unsingable.

    I had a friend in the 90s that I lost touch with who wrote lyrics for bands. I can tell you a few things I learned from him though:
    1. He always had extra books of his poetry in his car because he never knew when he’d encounter someone who’d want one.
    2. He was always writing.

    I do think you’re right that you should do some English as well. For instance, I wouldn’t know who Lacuna Coil was if they just sang in Italian. I saw them back in 2003 or 2004 and have to say that Cristina Scabbia is the hottest babe singer I’ve ever seen live, and I’ve seen Susanna Hoffs and Tori Amos in their primes so that’s really saying something.

    Anyways, I’m guessing your poem means they found an Ancient Greek statue and it still has life in it. And the most cultured amongst us Westerners will once again learn from the ancient ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t worry, the fact that you’ve read it means already a lot to me.

      Writing lyrics, I think, is almost another thing because you can respect every rule and even write a fine piece of poetry but if they don’t sound well in the song you’ve done nothing. And that’s not to say it’s a lower craft, but rather the opposite.

      Your friend was way less shy than most people writing poems, I gotta say. Lol

      The Lacuna Coil example is perfect because it touches the state of things about media I have grown up with. The only things that really thrive in Italy are things which are strictly Italian, like the Italian song (terrible genre) or the kind of detective stories that are made here (like the ones of Commissario Montalbano, who I hear is quite famous internationally). Not that I really complain. Part of this phenomenon is institutionally forced but the rest is natural. My point is: being part of these scenes, I know that Italians who make metal music, or fantasy/sci fi stories, are more famous worldwide than in their own country (Nanowar of Steel, that you’ve once found on my Twitter, are more famous in Germany or East Europe than here). What I like is quite fringe here. I want to have readers and an income from what I create, so it’s natural for me to write in the language that grants me a wider audience, especially since locals are not really into the things I like. Those who do can already speak English, so I don’t lose them.
      I’d be stupid not to make any creative effort in English.

      Your interpretation of my poem’s got some difference from mine, but the core is right. I wanted it to be vague enough that, although making the core clear, would spark the reader’s imagination. It’s a form of storytelling, even though not a straight one. This, and your interpretation being perfectly fine and in context, is why I will accept it, and not tell mine. 😈

      Like

  2. Ah, I get partial credit then. 🙂

    I remember Nanowar of Steel. I’m watching the Norwegian Reggaton video now – Black Metal mixed with Despacito? These guys are weird. And very funny!

    Liked by 1 person

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